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Monday, July 12, 2010

On Suicide & Prevention

Been a while. Sorry, everyone. I'll try to be better at updating, but I tend to forget, and when I do remember, don't think I've anything of interest to write about. Karla argues since I've been around "forever," surely I can think of something. Maybe she's right. I enjoy blogging, even if most of my posts are off the top of my head.

But I don't want to talk about me or the other angels of death today. Instead, I want to talk about suicide. My wife, Delilah, killed herself, as did Karla's father. It's a subject that's often difficult to broach because people don't want to admit a loved one can be suicidal. They can't understand why the person "can't get over it." Not that I'm trying to simplify a serious situation. There are many factors concerning why someone kills him/herself. Sometimes the warning signs are there, but there are people who are able to keep their suicidal tendencies well-hidden, shocking everyone when they commit the act. I'm thinking of two other people I know who chose to take their own lives and yet seemed to be, for all intents and purposes, well-adjusted.

Please, if you're contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. Call a suicide prevention hot line, speak to your mental health doctor, call a trusted friend or family member. Get help.

Organizations such as Suicide.org not only provides information about suicide but suicide prevention phone numbers. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) also provides information and links to other sources. Of course, if you're sure you'll hurt yourself or someone else, call 911 or the emergency number wherever you live.

Just because I'm an angel of death, doesn't mean I, or my fellow angels, want to retrieve your soul before its time. I understand life may seem bleak and it often looks like there's no way out. I've been there. But a friend always tells me, "This, too, shall pass." No matter how dire a situation seems, it won't last forever.

Suicide, however, does.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Choices We Make

I was out drinking with Gabriel the other night, and we got into this discussion of why I was involved with Samael. It's a legitimate question, given the awful things my ex-lover's done.

So why would I choose to be in a relationship with an angel who has no compunction about killing innocent people for his own pleasure? Simple. He wasn't always this way. When I first met him, he was intelligent, charming, and perhaps a bit self-deprecating. In our line of work, you can't take yourself too seriously.

But that's what he did. Took himself seriously. Samael's not only an angel of death, he's also the chief of satans. And he's one of the subordinates under Metatron, along with Gabriel. (Come to think of it, Gabriel takes himself too seriously, too, sometimes. Must be a workplace hazard.)

Let me clarify. Metatron's like our superior, and Samael and Gabriel are chiefs under him. The rest of we angels of death work for either Samael or Gabriel, and we report to them, unless Metatron requests otherwise. It was Metatron who ordered me to kill Karla and then bring her to him. Think Samael was happy about that? Hell, no.

But I digress. Okay, back to why I had a relationship with a guy with an attitude and a poisonous rapier. I wasn't desperate, if that's what you're thinking. Like I mentioned above, he had a lot of good qualities about him. Still does, really, even if they're buried beneath his anger.

I think that's it. He became so angry and hateful toward humans, and he could never understand why I liked people. See, I'm a Grigori, one of the Watchers who came to earth. I taught the course of the moon. (Shakes head.) Can't believe that was forbidden knowledge. And yes, I paid dearly for it. Although Samael's curse is lifted, the Seraphim's still exist.

Ever watch someone slowly destroy their life and there's nothing you can do about it? Yeah, that's pretty much what's happened to Samael. I only hope if the Seraphim punish him for his actions, they don't punish him too severely. I don't think his psyche can take it.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

No, I'm Not a Skeleton with a Scythe

And don't let Gabriel hear you describe him like that, either. Skeletons in black robes. The Grim Reaper. Yeah, I guess if I saw something like that coming at me with a huge scythe, I'd be freaking out, too.

Not that the sight of one pissed off angel isn't enough to make me turn and make tracks. And between Samael and Gabriel, I don't know who's worse. Both wield very sharp, pointy objects. Oh, so do I, but my schiavona is nowhere near as menacing.

Anyway, I'd better introduce myself. I'm Xariel, an angel of death and former Watcher(or Grigori). I used to work for Gabriel, until Samael manipulated Metatron into reassigning me. I don't mind working with my ex-lover, it's just the idea of dealing with his machinations.

My wingspan is 13 feet, give or take, and my height is six feet, eight inches. Not terribly tall for an angel. The others are taller. Our superior, Metatron, chooses to appear as seven feet tall, but in reality, you'd never be able to see his face; he'd tower miles above the earth.

Okay, not that you care about height or wingspans. It's just I get so tired of seeing us portrayed with wings that obviously wouldn't support our bodies in flight. Not to mention any weapons we carry. Gabriel's scythe has a seven foot handle and a five foot blade. Hard enough to wield that thing in flight.

But I digress. Plenty of time for rants later. I've got to get to work.

Later, folks!